So, we have a power change happening in Washington D.C.
The Republicans defy the presidential mid-term curse by
actually gaining seats in the House of Representatives and
by taking control of the Senate. As the smoke clears from
November 5th's elections there can be only one conclusion;
the Democrats were kicked hard in The Jimmy and, like it
or not, the Republicans completely control our destiny.
What do these events mean to you and the Beefboy? Well,
you can take your James Carville's and your Rush Limbaugh's
and roll them up in a pipe and smoke 'em, because when it
comes to politics, no one will lay out the truth like the
Beefboy. So sit back, relax, enjoy, and let the Beefboy
do, what the Beefboy does best… and that's break it
right on down for you.
First off, The Serial Thriller has a few words for the Dems.
I'm sure you're all sitting around going "What the
ding-dong hell happened?" The economy is weak, social
security is on its last legs, education is lagging and mid-term
elections are supposed to hurt the sitting President (it
has since World War II). Democrats should have gained control
of the Senate and closed on control of the House. Instead,
Barbara Streisand is singing "Memories" in a padded
cell, due to shock and disbelief.
Sometimes the medicine that helps you the most, tastes the
worst. With that in mind, here's some advice from the Beefboy
to the Democrats. You're in trouble. You're running on a
platform that was established in the 1960's, and let's be
frank, everyone was doing some serious drugs in the sixties.
Where's your John F. Kennedy? Where's your idea man? What
you have now is a slew of Clinton era sychophants who are
uninteresting and uninspired. If Al Gore is the best you've
got, it's over baby!
Two people were a thorn in your side this time around, Terry
McAuliffe (the leader of the Democratic National Committee)
and Tom Daschle (the former leader of the Senate). These
two monumental nutsacks have formed an Axis of Nyquil that
have put the electorate to sleep and log-jammed any progress
in Congress. McAuliffe, a good buddy of Clinton's, staged
a rally during a funeral and enraged the Minnesota voters,
leading them to vote against their man Walter Mondale. Score
one for the Republicans. McAuliffe is running the Democratic
party into the ground with all the exuberant zeal of work-out
guru Tony Little. Meanwhile, after September 11, the nation
has been watching as Daschle plays politics with our security.
Not a good plan. Dump the dead weight and find some new
blood and we'll talk to you in two years.
Now, let's go
on to the Republicans. You've won a big election. You're
King of the World baby! But hang on a minute. Yes, the voters
have given you all the big toys to play with, but that can
just as easily be taken away. The voters want to see some
real movement on things concerning our security and the
economy. What they don't want is a bunch of new social change
legislation because no one's left to block you. I can hear
the collective smacking of lips from Pat Robertson, Jerry
Falwell and all the rest of those Moral Minority Morons
and you can rest assured that they see this election as
a mandate on all the little pet projects they conceive to
monkey in our private lives. Stay out of the Beefboy's closet!
You'd do yourself a favor (and the rest of the nation) if
you concentrate on what we put you there for. Protect us
and give us our money back. Period.
Sure, as Republicans, you're going to finally get to green
stamp all your favorite conservative judges. You'll be able
to pass a Department of Homeland Security bill without kneeling
before the unions. You'll get to ensure that we actually
get that graduated tax cut that was promised two years ago.
Finally, you'll get to march right through downtown Baghdad
in your Terrorpollooza Tour. That's all fine, you've earned
it. However, the Beefboy says, consider this; the main reason
that most people vote for Democrats is because they stay
out of our personal lives. If you start telling us how to
live by legislating morality or you hand over too many civil
rights to momma's boys like Attorney General John Ashcroft,
us voters are going to get another chance to upset the balance
of power in two short years. And even Al Gore is a better
candidate than Hitler.