November 6, 2002

So, we have a power change happening in Washington D.C. The Republicans defy the presidential mid-term curse by actually gaining seats in the House of Representatives and by taking control of the Senate. As the smoke clears from November 5th's elections there can be only one conclusion; the Democrats were kicked hard in The Jimmy and, like it or not, the Republicans completely control our destiny.

What do these events mean to you and the Beefboy? Well, you can take your James Carville's and your Rush Limbaugh's and roll them up in a pipe and smoke 'em, because when it comes to politics, no one will lay out the truth like the Beefboy. So sit back, relax, enjoy, and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best… and that's break it right on down for you.

First off, The Serial Thriller has a few words for the Dems. I'm sure you're all sitting around going "What the ding-dong hell happened?" The economy is weak, social security is on its last legs, education is lagging and mid-term elections are supposed to hurt the sitting President (it has since World War II). Democrats should have gained control of the Senate and closed on control of the House. Instead, Barbara Streisand is singing "Memories" in a padded cell, due to shock and disbelief.

Sometimes the medicine that helps you the most, tastes the worst. With that in mind, here's some advice from the Beefboy to the Democrats. You're in trouble. You're running on a platform that was established in the 1960's, and let's be frank, everyone was doing some serious drugs in the sixties. Where's your John F. Kennedy? Where's your idea man? What you have now is a slew of Clinton era sychophants who are uninteresting and uninspired. If Al Gore is the best you've got, it's over baby!

Two people were a thorn in your side this time around, Terry McAuliffe (the leader of the Democratic National Committee) and Tom Daschle (the former leader of the Senate). These two monumental nutsacks have formed an Axis of Nyquil that have put the electorate to sleep and log-jammed any progress in Congress. McAuliffe, a good buddy of Clinton's, staged a rally during a funeral and enraged the Minnesota voters, leading them to vote against their man Walter Mondale. Score one for the Republicans. McAuliffe is running the Democratic party into the ground with all the exuberant zeal of work-out guru Tony Little. Meanwhile, after September 11, the nation has been watching as Daschle plays politics with our security. Not a good plan. Dump the dead weight and find some new blood and we'll talk to you in two years.

Now, let's go on to the Republicans. You've won a big election. You're King of the World baby! But hang on a minute. Yes, the voters have given you all the big toys to play with, but that can just as easily be taken away. The voters want to see some real movement on things concerning our security and the economy. What they don't want is a bunch of new social change legislation because no one's left to block you. I can hear the collective smacking of lips from Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and all the rest of those Moral Minority Morons and you can rest assured that they see this election as a mandate on all the little pet projects they conceive to monkey in our private lives. Stay out of the Beefboy's closet! You'd do yourself a favor (and the rest of the nation) if you concentrate on what we put you there for. Protect us and give us our money back. Period.

Sure, as Republicans, you're going to finally get to green stamp all your favorite conservative judges. You'll be able to pass a Department of Homeland Security bill without kneeling before the unions. You'll get to ensure that we actually get that graduated tax cut that was promised two years ago. Finally, you'll get to march right through downtown Baghdad in your Terrorpollooza Tour. That's all fine, you've earned it. However, the Beefboy says, consider this; the main reason that most people vote for Democrats is because they stay out of our personal lives. If you start telling us how to live by legislating morality or you hand over too many civil rights to momma's boys like Attorney General John Ashcroft, us voters are going to get another chance to upset the balance of power in two short years. And even Al Gore is a better candidate than Hitler.

Dig it!

-The Beefboy