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February 17, 2003

Think the debate over evolution in school ended with the Scopes trial back in 1925? Think again. Creationists have made headway in Oklahoma, Mississippi and Alabama by pushing for disclaimers to be placed in science textbooks that proclaim that evolution is just a theory. A recent court case in Texas calls a college professor a "religious bigot" because he requires that a student who wants to receive a recommendation from him must agree with the theory of evolution.

The debate is heating up again and the battle over what we teach our kids about the origin of the species is back with a vengeance. Should we be teaching our kids that they're brainy monkeys or the progeny of Eve? Well here comes professor Beefboy with all the schooling you'll ever need! So sit back, relax, enjoy, and let The Beefboy do, what The Beefboy does best… and that's break it right on down for you.

There's no way The Beefboy is going to tell you whether to believe in evolution or creationism. You're big girls and boys and you can make up that decision for yourself. What The Beefboy wants to look at is what we should be teaching kids in public schools. I think the answer lies in the designation "public".

Public schools (and state-run universities) are charged with giving every kid a chance at a productive life by teaching them what they need to know about our world. We've come a long way from just teaching the three "R's", reading, writing and 'rithmetic. In fact The Beefboy could rant endlessly about wasting valuable time and money teaching kids shit they don't need, but that's another article.

I hope we can all agree that kids need a solid background in science. Whether or not they will ever need to know single-cell mitosis, the chemical equation for water or the definition of a cosmic string (not Christina Aguilera's body), they do need to understand the world according to science. A big part of biology includes the Theory of Evolution.

One of the points of creationists is that evolution is a "theory". What everyone who doesn't know, should know, and The Beefboy is here to tell you, is that in science the term "theory" doesn't mean some shit they threw against the wall to see if it would stick. A theory in science is one step from a law and that's a short step. No one seems to be pushing for a disclaimer over the Theory of Gravity, which means that this is a political issue for creationists. When you start talking about the unholy alliance of politics and religion The Beefboy is ready to start banging heads. Keep your religion out of my politics, or I'm going to put my politics in your religion. Dig your tax-free status? Then don't push it, nutsacks.

The best that Creationists can offer in the name of science is half-hearted attempts to discredit evolution. The Beefboy has checked out numerous sites that give pseudo-scientific bullshit to back up their science. They don't offer anything to justify their version besides "see the Bible". This Beefanatics, is NOT SCIENCE and it has no place in our schools.

Let's say we put creationism in the classroom, what else are we going to feed our kids as fact? Are we teach how Kali is the creator and destroyer of the universe? Are we going to teach the complex Egyptian views on "Kh" and the afterlife or maybe Native American stories of Thunderbirds and such? Are we going to address how the Force surrounds us, penetrates us and binds the galaxy together?

Hmmm… seems like there should be some place to get this knowledge. Maybe a porn store? No. How about a bus station? Nope. What about on American Idol. I doubt it. Hey wait! How about a church? Shazam, there's an idea! If you want to teach about how God created the universe in six days and watched Sportscenter on the seventh, then there's already a place for that.

Religion is a belief, not a science. No religion should try to back up their beliefs with cold hard facts, it makes you look stupid and it's beside the point. All religion is a faith-based entity, it seeks to define the un-definable. Science and religion don't play well with each other. The Beefboy has no problem with teaching religion as a cultural thing or through sociology, in fact I think that's something schools should do, just make sure to include everyone's religion and keep some perspective. Anyone hell-bent (pun intended) on including religious beliefs in a science textbook is a nutsack deluxe, and deserves to be burned at the stake.

Dig it!

-The Beefboy