The executives at the big three networks (ABC, NBC and CBS)
are lamenting their poor ratings. For the first time in
history, cable channels collectively draw more viewers than
the Big Three. Since ABC, NBC and CBS have more money to
develop and produce shows, since they have access to all
the biggest stars and since each have a multimedia conglomerate
backing their efforts, it seems curious that they can't
rule the boob tube with a mighty fist.
Why are The Big Three falling prey to the puny budgets and
gonzo productions of cable? Could there be a simple reason?
Only the Beefboy is capable of delivering the truth behind
that cosmic conundrum. So sit back, relax, enjoy, and let
the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best… and that's
break it right on down for you.
Ready for the big Fall Prime Time Season? No? Well, neither
is anyone else, especially the Beefboy. The big networks
are giving us a healthy diet of dinosaurs (and I'm not talking
about Dinotopia, I'm talking about all the shows that have
been around for a decade) and "new" shows guaranteed
to make you want to take a long walk off a short pier. There's
so very little out there, that even remotely resembles originality,
that they should just show re-runs all season long and send
the millions of dollars they will spend producing these
dogs, directly to the Beefboy.
Here it is in a nutshell Beefanatics. The big three have
63 total hours of programming to offer in Prime Time. Out
of those 63 hours, 22 1/2 hours are devoted to either cop
dramas, medical dramas or law dramas. That's a third of
valuable time that they're giving you the same product.
The lack of real variety becomes obvious when you list the
names of the cop dramas; talk about Attack of the Clones!
Without a Trace
Robbery Homicide Division
Law and Order
Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
Law and Order: Criminal Intent
Are you ready
for the best new series this season? It's hands down Boomtown.
If you like cop dramas, medical dramas and law dramas, guess
what? Boomtown is all three! Shave my nuts and call me Sally!
You know the Beefboy is going have an aneurysm to see such
an original concept!
Meanwhile, look at what the cable companies are offering.
HBO gives you not one, but several, seriously great series,
including the Sopranos, Six Feet Under, Sex and the City
and Real Sex (okay Real Sex is only great to the Beefboy).
Sci Fi has a number of solid original shows as does the
Cartoon Network and Comedy Central. USA created a series
titled Monk that was so good that ABC broadcast re-runs
of that show in Prime Time instead of their own stale pabulum.
The point is that all the shows that stand out on cable
are ORIGINAL, a concept that obviously escapes the amazing
pinstriped pinheads who run the networks.
The reason we get such a dearth of variety is that so much
rides on success that executives are afraid to stick their
neck out and try something new. If Law and Order does well-
let's make Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. If that
does well how about Law and Order: Criminal Intent? If that
does well how about Law and Order: Meter Maids or Law and
Order: Pathetic Cops Who Have Nothing Better To Do Than
Harass People Going About Their Business, or perhaps, Law
and Order: Slit My Neck Because I Can't Come Up With A New
The problem with that philosophy is that the American public
gets sick of being beaten over the head, even with something
they enjoy. If you keep going to the well, eventually it's
going to run dry. Bone dry. It's time for the Big Three
networks to realize that they have fashioned a creativity
drought that rivals the dust bowl. If they don't change
their ways soon, those pesky cable networks are going to
run the whole show and it won't just be the silly old network
programs that are dinosaurs. It will be the networks themselves.