been plenty of talk about Raelians and cloning lately. While
cloning is a Beefboy subject if there ever was one, I’m
more interested in the Raelians right now. Clonaid, the
“science arm” of the Raelian movement has claimed,
but still has failed to prove, that they have successfully
cloned two baby girls (you can’t clone a man because
an egg has to be involved and only Alan Alda produces those).
The media has bucked recent trends by actually questioning
the validity of a story they are reporting, not because
that’s the right thing to do, but because the info
comes from a “cult.”
So, what separates
a cult or a sect, from a certified religion? Would the media
be so quick to question the motivations, for example, of
something officially released from the Catholic Church?
Sit back, relax, enjoy, and let The Beefboy do, what The
Beefboy does best… and that’s break it right
on down for you.
The Beefboy is
not going to the dictionary to define “cult”
or “sect”. We all know the connotations involved
with those terms. If you carry one of those labels then
you are supposed to be composed of a bunch of boobie-hatch
whack-jobs that are “playing” religion (and
as you know, religion is not for beginners). It’s
hard to disagree with that assessment, as you’ll soon
see, but as always, The Beefboy is looking at the bigger
are UFO-cult members who follow Rael, the Huckster formerly
know as Claude Vorilhon, who was a racing journalist in
a past life. The Beefboy sincerely hopes you’re sitting
down for all of this. The sheep who follow (and contribute
cash) to Rael, believe that he was taken to the planet of
little green men, named the Elohim, in a flying saucer in
1975 and introduced to Jesus, Buddha, Joseph Smith and Confucius.
He was sent back to be the final prophet and inform us that
we were all clones of aliens and that those aliens would
be back here in 2025. That sounds all well and good, but
the real deal here is, the members of this cult are big
into sex with no strings attached and hey, why not just
have some tax cuts, right?
Of course, the
Raelians are not alone. Scientologists believe that Xenu,
an evil alien leader, mind-raped us all thousands of years
ago and that all our problems can be wiped out by “auditors”
who will help you get rid of your “engrams”
which are all sorts of psycho-somatic ills. Naturally, you’ll
be required to pay for those services. The Heaven’s
Gate cult were made up of Fruit and Nut Cheerios who believed
that everyone should be neutered and wait for a UFO on the
tail of a comet and kill yourself so you can join them as
they pass by (what happened to “beaming you up”).
favorite sect though is the group that called themselves
“Students of the Seven Seals” or what you know
as the Branch Davidians. This cult believed that David Koresh
was a prophet whose words were on par with the Bible and
that married women should become “spiritual wives”
of his and everyone else should be celibate! Wow. I wish
I’d thought of that one! With this in mind, The Beefboy
is creating the Cult of The Beefboy where everyone can be
a member but women will be “spiritual freaks”
and have sex with the Prophet Beefboy, while the men will
be required to tithe 15% to the church. Yeah baby!
Okay, so I’ve
given you some very extreme examples of religious nutsacks,
but really… who cares? Almost everyone is seeking
something, whether it’s knowledge, enlightenment or
fulfillment. It’s hard-wired into us. Why does everyone
get this superiority complex over their own beliefs, as
if any other possibility is entirely out of the question?
consider Mormons to be cultists, but the Church of Latter
Day Saints has 11 million members worldwide. Islam, Judaism
and Christianity all come from the same origins but are
constantly at odds with each other while Hinduism, Taoism
and Buddhism dismiss those other theologies entirely. Atheists
think this whole discussion is silly and yet seek to explain
the universe and theorize on philosophy with nothing less
than religious zeal. Someone is wrong here, Beefanatics.
If one religion is “right” then how many billion
people are following a sham? Has it ever occurred to anyone
that they may all be “right”?
personal choice of religion should reflect a desire to understand
the world, discover your path, create order and make peace
with yourself and others. What difference does it make how
you reach those goals? Sure, the members of Heaven’s
Gate and the Students of the Seven Seals were destined for
destruction, but aren’t we all served by weeding those
boneheads out of the race? As long as they’re not
hurting anyone in the process, why don’t we just let
everyone find their own way and leave them alone? After
all, a religion based on a guy who walks on water and is
resurrected sounds far-fetched too.
The Cult of The
Beefboy will take donations in cash, VISA and MasterCard;
all Spiritual Freaks are to report to my bedroom immediately.