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December 22, 2002

The Freedom from Religion Foundation has a Christmas message for everyone this season. The message, posted outside the Madison Wisconsin capital building, next to the Christmas display, reads:

"At this season of the Winter Solstice may reason prevail. There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds."

The Beefboy has friends that would loudly disagree with that statement and others that would applaud the Freedom from Religion Foundation for posting a sign that so clearly reflects their views. The Beefboy comes out somewhere in between, and that Beefanatics, is where knowledge begins. So sit back, relax, enjoy, and let The Beefboy do, what The Beefboy does best… and that's break it right on down for you.

Freedom from Religion Foundation President Anne Gaylor says that the true meaning of the holiday is really a relic of sun worship. "I have often said I am quite willing to celebrate the fun parts of anyone's holiday, but spare me the religious schmaltz," she said.

Okay, Ms. Gaylor, everyone will spare you the religious schmaltz if you'll spare us you're insensitive bitching. You see this goes both ways. Religious zealots want to burn all atheists at the stake. Atheists want everyone to evolve beyond the need for comforting fairy tales. It ain't gonna happen folks. Can we move on?

I can imagine the snickering self-aggrandizing that the Foundation felt when composing this sign. They must have thought, "Oh boy, those religious freaks are really going to HATE THIS!" The question I have for Ms. Gaylor and her band of boneheads is, who is this sign for? If you're an atheist, you already believe that way and you don't need a sign to spell it out for you. If you're a Christian, there's no way that they will read that sign and go, "Shazam! I've been wrong all this time. I'm going to burn my Bible, subscribe to the Spice Channel and buy Anne Geddes shit (clearly the work of the devil)."

The only reason to post a sign like that, right next to a Christmas display, is to chap the Christians who enjoy it. This need for atheists to practice one-upmanship comes from a steady diet of listening to Christian pies like Pat Robertson telling everyone what to do and shoving a HOLIER-THAN-THOU attitude down everyone's throats. It comes from being made to feel like an outsider because you have different beliefs and it also comes from jealousy over religion's special days (What do atheists have? Earth Day? That sucks nuts!).

Christians act in a very un-Christian-like manner when they seek to enter politics and take over classrooms. Christian "leaders" have taken it upon themselves to attempt influence in every aspect of the human condition, meanwhile the church battles corruption, scandal and diminishing participation, from within. Here's an idea, how about tidying up your own little sandbox before stealing the Tonka trucks that everyone else is playing with? We haven't lived in the middle ages for about 600 years; the days of THE CHURCH being in charge are long over. Act like it. If you want to live in a country ruled by the clergy, move to Iran.

So if atheists are trying to get under the skin of Christians and Christians are playing where they don't belong, perhaps we can come up with a compromise. The Beefboy proposes "The Serial Thriller's Religious Peace Accord," whereby atheists leave Christians alone, particularly on their most sacred holidays and Christians stay out of politics and the classroom and concentrate on their flock, like they should be doing anyway.

Of course everyone is going to continue to believe as they wish. That's the benefit of living in a free society and to Hell with anyone who thinks otherwise. Merry Christmas everyone!

Dig it!

-The Beefboy