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The Beefboy recently heard a phrase he had to check out, so he ran over to Google and searched for the term "metrosexual.” Not only did I turn up a real definition for "metrosexual,” but also I found a cool site that watches words like this. Here's wordspy's definition:

(MET.roh.sek.shoo.ul) n. A dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle; a straight man who is in touch with his feminine side.

The reason the Beefboy's ears perked up on this phrase is that we've been here before folks. In fact, we've dealt with this sort of horseshit for the past 30 years and it's ruining our fucking society. Men and masculinity has been marginalized on so many fronts that it's amazing that boys are not required by law to wear skirts and bobby socks. So sit back, relax, enjoy and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best… and that’s break it right on down for you.

When is the last time you've watched television and paid attention to how men, and particularly fathers, are portrayed? Men are unanimously the butt of dehumanizing jokes, portrayed as stupid but lovable blokes. King of Queens, Everyone Loves Raymond (despite the fact he's stupid) and the rest of CBS's prime-time comedy line-up propagates this stereotype, not to mention one of the best shows of all time, The Simpsons. Remember when Mike Brady and Cliff Huxtable were sources of wisdom and insight? Those days are long gone.

Here’s an experiment for you. Strip your mind of all pre-conceived notions that you have about the Media’s portrayal of men, and then pick up the remote and watch television for a week. Make a mental note how often men are butt of the joke. Note how many times in a single day that men are portrayed as lovable boobs. Hey, they mean well, but gosh darn it, men are fucking stupid.

Now look at studies that suggest that boys in school are struggling. Women far outpace men in high school and the gender gap is becoming a Grand Canyon in college. Women number 60% of college students and 170,000 more women graduate college every year. Boys are encouraged to play football, and to play down their academic achievements (and their masculine traits), while girls are being told to aim for the stars. (I have sources to back up all of this at the end of my article.)

The Beefboy is certain that people will cite the glass ceiling for women in the workplace or how far women have to go to compete with their male counterparts in professional sports or entertainment. Fine. The Beefboy agrees. Everyone should be empowered, but everyone includes MEN. There’s enough pie for all of us to have a piece.

So, back to the word “metrosexual.” Here’s another attempt to marginalize men in some regard. Men have been subjected to the idea of “finding their feminine side” for three decades now and it’s destroying our youth. Can you imagine the backlash at the suggestion that women find their masculine side? How about a show called “Straight Eye for the Queer Guy”?

There are those who believe that men should be anything but male; that boys should learn quilting and not run around with plastic swords, crowning each other in the noggin. However, the male traits of aggressiveness, physicality, competition and bravado help them succeed in the world and attract women. Marginalize those traits and we’re screwed, blued and tattooed, Beefanatics. The absolute last thing we need is to further suggest that men find their feminine side. On the contrary, men need to rediscover their masculine side. Why do you think “The Man Show” and “Maxim Magazine” have become so popular? Men crave a release from society’s pressure to be a bag lad and the Beefboy is more than glad to lead the charge!

To all the men out there… turn off “Must See TV”, put down your Crest Whitening Strips, stop “gellin’ like a felon” and start acting like a real man! Finally, to the nutsack who coined the word “metrosexual,” the gig is up. The Beefboy has had enough of your societal tinkering and that ends now! The Beefboy is watching you.

Meanwhile, the Beefboy is also going to go watch the WWE, ogle some chicks and swill a cold brew… with no apologies.

Dig it!

-The Beefboy