The Beefboy recently
heard a phrase he had to check out, so he ran over to Google
and searched for the term "metrosexual.” Not
only did I turn up a real definition for "metrosexual,”
but also I found a cool site that watches words like this.
Here's wordspy's definition:
n. A dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself,
but also his urban lifestyle; a straight man who is in touch
with his feminine side.
The reason the
Beefboy's ears perked up on this phrase is that we've been
here before folks. In fact, we've dealt with this sort of
horseshit for the past 30 years and it's ruining our fucking
society. Men and masculinity has been marginalized on so
many fronts that it's amazing that boys are not required
by law to wear skirts and bobby socks. So sit back, relax,
enjoy and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best…
and that’s break it right on down for you.
When is the
last time you've watched television and paid attention to
how men, and particularly fathers, are portrayed? Men are
unanimously the butt of dehumanizing jokes, portrayed as
stupid but lovable blokes. King of Queens, Everyone Loves
Raymond (despite the fact he's stupid) and the rest of CBS's
prime-time comedy line-up propagates this stereotype, not
to mention one of the best shows of all time, The Simpsons.
Remember when Mike Brady and Cliff Huxtable were sources
of wisdom and insight? Those days are long gone.
an experiment for you. Strip your mind of all pre-conceived
notions that you have about the Media’s portrayal
of men, and then pick up the remote and watch television
for a week. Make a mental note how often men are butt of
the joke. Note how many times in a single day that men are
portrayed as lovable boobs. Hey, they mean well, but gosh
darn it, men are fucking stupid.
Now look at studies
that suggest that boys in school are struggling. Women far
outpace men in high school and the gender gap is becoming
a Grand Canyon in college. Women number 60% of college students
and 170,000 more women graduate college every year. Boys
are encouraged to play football, and to play down their
academic achievements (and their masculine traits), while
girls are being told to aim for the stars. (I have sources
to back up all of this at the end of my article.)
is certain that people will cite the glass ceiling for women
in the workplace or how far women have to go to compete
with their male counterparts in professional sports or entertainment.
Fine. The Beefboy agrees. Everyone should be empowered,
but everyone includes MEN. There’s enough pie for
all of us to have a piece.
So, back to the
word “metrosexual.” Here’s another attempt
to marginalize men in some regard. Men have been subjected
to the idea of “finding their feminine side”
for three decades now and it’s destroying our youth.
Can you imagine the backlash at the suggestion that women
find their masculine side? How about a show called “Straight
Eye for the Queer Guy”?
There are those
who believe that men should be anything but male; that boys
should learn quilting and not run around with plastic swords,
crowning each other in the noggin. However, the male traits
of aggressiveness, physicality, competition and bravado
help them succeed in the world and attract women. Marginalize
those traits and we’re screwed, blued and tattooed,
Beefanatics. The absolute last thing we need is to further
suggest that men find their feminine side. On the contrary,
men need to rediscover their masculine side. Why do you
think “The Man Show” and “Maxim Magazine”
have become so popular? Men crave a release from society’s
pressure to be a bag lad and the Beefboy is more than glad
to lead the charge!
To all the men
out there… turn off “Must See TV”, put
down your Crest Whitening Strips, stop “gellin’
like a felon” and start acting like a real man! Finally,
to the nutsack who coined the word “metrosexual,”
the gig is up. The Beefboy has had enough of your societal
tinkering and that ends now! The Beefboy is watching you.
Beefboy is also going to go watch the WWE, ogle some chicks
and swill a cold brew… with no apologies.