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March 6, 2003

The Pakistani’s just captured Khalid Sheik Mohammed, one of the big three Al Qaeda members. They say if Bin Laden is the Chairman of the Board, then Khalid is the CEO of Al Qaeda. He’s about as dirty as they come and has a laundry list of accusations against him, including the planning of the September 11 terrorist attacks and links to nearly every known Al Qaeda operation in the past five years. Representative Porter Gross, R-Florida, said, “This is the equivalent of the liberation in Paris in the Second World War.”

Since we’ve got this guy, the question is what do we do with him? As I write this, he’s being “interrogated” by Pakistani and CIA agents. This guy probably knows everything that Al Qaeda is planning to do, he knows where all the terrorist cells are and he probably has Osama bin Laden’s 411. Should we torture this guy to find out what he knows? Sit back, relax, enjoy, and The Beefboy do, what The Beefboy does best… and that’s break it right on down for you.

First off, let The Beefboy say that he’s all for torture, between consenting adults… but that’s another article. What we’re talking about is state-sponsored torture, just like the scenes in Alias, except that no spy that ever lived looks as hot as Jennifer Garner. In this case Khalid Sheik Mohammed looks more like Ron Jeremy on a bender.

If anyone deserves torture it’s Khalid. He’s scum. He’s scum’s scum. Believe The Beefboy when he tells you that there would be no tears shed over some Pakistani agent getting medieval on his ass. This is an extreme case, if it’s ever justified, then it’s justified here. By getting Khalid to cough up his buddies we could save hundreds or thousands of innocent lives. The problem is, where do we draw the line? How about torture for domestic criminals?

Unfortunately Tim McVeigh is dead, otherwise we could keep him alive and torture him every day for the next 50 years, just for fun. Think about all the other people who probably have something to divulge, where a little torture would get us the results we’re looking for. How about serial killers, who haven’t identified all their victims, like Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer? What about O.J. Simpson? Winona Ryder? (Hmmm… maybe The Beefboy should be in charge of Winona’s interrogation… I’m thinking about a spanking bench and a deerskin flogger… but I digress…)

The problem is that I don’t trust the government to issue me a driver’s license without screwing something up; I certainly don’t trust the government to have the knowledge and perspective to determine who should be tortured and who shouldn’t. What if they screw up and torture an innocent man? What about political opponents? Do you really trust The Man to be totally objective, from this point forward? I don’t. The Beefboy can give you a 200-year list of fuck-ups and political fiascoes that would have been made worse if we didn’t have the Constitution protecting our rights by banning “cruel and unusual punishments.”

The reason we’re fighting terrorism is to support the American way of life. If we trash our laws because it serves our purpose now, then we’ve handed those terrorist nutsacks their greatest victory. By lowering ourselves to the level of terrorists we would become our own worst enemy.

Now let’s talk a little more about Winona Ryder and that deerskin flogger…

Dig it!

-The Beefboy