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The Beefboy's Chick Picks for 2004

    Every year, the Beefboy looks back at the chicks who caught his attention. This is by no means a list of the all time hottest chicks, and I'm not speaking for anyone else either. Want another list?... get your own site.

    2004 Runners-Up

    Emmy Rossum

    Emmy had a great year at the movies. I first noticed her classic beauty in The Day After Tomorrow. She ended the year in The Phantom of the Opera (directed by The Franchise Killer, Joel Shumacher). Emmy is just old fashioned willowy goodness. I'm looking forward to her getting in some leather pants or something in 2005.


    Desperate Housewives

    This whole cast is pretty hot, but I don't watch soap operas, so I don't watch Desperate Housewives. Hard to ignore the casting on this one though. Eva Longoria and Marcia Cross are on top of my list.


    Emily Browning

    Yes, this is the little girl from the Lemony Snicket movie. Is it wrong to lust after a chick who is not even 18 yet? Fine. I'm just telling you that when this chick gets out of the oven, she's going to be one of the hottest chicks ever! Remember, you heard it here first.


    Angelina Jolie

    She didn't do much this year, although I did really like her in a uniform and eye-patch in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Look, Angelina Jolie is going to be on just about every list I can come up with. Get over it.


    Megan Mullally

    I'm way behind the curve on this one. She's been around for a while, but I just really paid attention to her this year. I like her because she's spunky.


    Maria Sharapova

    This little tennis hottie, unlike Anna Kournikova, can actually play the game. She's heating up the courts, and she's heating up my loins. Game, set and match.


    The Beefboy's Top Ten Chick Picks for 2004

    10. Aishwarya Rai

    What? You haven't seen this beauty in Khakee, or Chokher Bali, or Hum Kisi Se Kum Nahin? What rock have you been under? Okay, the Beefboy hasn't seen Aishwarya Rai's movies either, but I have noticed this Indian actress in several media packages and, most notably on 60 Minutes. She has absolutely hypnotic beauty. She's like the Bizarro Medusa, if you stare at her too long you turn to pudding. She's going to be in several western movies soon, so keep an eye on this one (the Beefboy will).

    9. Tara Dakides

    This boarding babe won a silver medal at the 2004 X-Games and cracked her skull on David Letterman's show last year (she fine... real fine). What I like about Tara, besides the obvious, is her ass-kicking attitude. She's not taking shit from snow or anything else for that matter, and she doesn't have a problem being hot while she does it.


    8. Kate Beckinsdale

    Of course, the Beefboy first noticed Kate in the overly-produced but under-executed Underworld, but last year she appeared in that Uber-Saucy outfit in Van Helsing and wrapped up the year in the Aviator. There's a lot to like here, but Kate seems a little flesh-shy (this is the hottest picture I could find of her). Loosen up a little Kate and I'll move you up the list.


    7. Kristen Bell

    Unlike Emily Browning who is under 18, Kristen Bell just plays a teenie teen (she's actually 24!). Veronica Mars is not a bad show either. The Beefboy hopes it finds the audience it deserves soon, or poor little Kristen is going to be on the soup line, and that's not really good for any of us (particularly me).


    6. Selma Blair

    You've got to really appreciate a girl who has so many good photos that I have to post three to cover my bases. Selma was the Beefboy's favorite firestarter in Hellboy and had outrageous boobs in John Water's A Dirty Shame (picture below) last year. And, what the hell, I'll throw in a smooch with Sarah Michelle Geller at the MTV Movie Awards! Yeah, this chick is working for me just fine.

    5. Jessica Beil


    4. Ivonna Cadaver

    As Host of the syndicated Macabre Theater, Ivonna Cadaver beats the bats out of aging horror queen Elvira! Anyone who can make the Beefboy sit through The Brain That Wouldn't Die just to see more of her, is definately accomplishing something. This chick needs national attention now! No really. RIGHT NOW! If you're not seeing her, do what you must to make it happen.


    3. Ziyi Zhang

    This tasty little fortune cookie has been around for a while, namely in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hero and the recent US release of House of Flying Daggers. I'm not seeing these movies in their original versions, but rather when they get released to US theaters, so I'll admit that I'm a little behind the curve on Ziyi. She is both beauty and beast. She's like water though rocks. She personifies both pen and sword. Fuck! She's just hot baby!


    2. Mistress Karin von Kroft

    Let's just say that this is one of the more demure photos of the Mistress on her site. If you like women with a little attitude (okay, a LOT of attitude) and a figure that looks like it's carved out of fine marble then you owe yourself a visit to Mistress Karin von Kroft's site. Her site rises above the competition because her photography is first rate and she doesn't pull punches (either with her outfits, or her lack of outfits, or her content). I think the Beefboy needs a spanky!


    1. Liz McGrath

    Do you know how tough it is to find a good photo of Liz McGrath? Too tough, as far as I'm concerned. If you're not familiar with Liz's work then you need to turn off NASCAR and get to her website immediately. She's easily one of the best and most interesting artists working today (and not too hard on the eyes either). If you live in California then she seems to have plenty of gallery showings out there. If you're like the rest of us, you can follow along with her work on the internet or through Juxtapoz magazine, the coolest magazine on the planet.


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