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June 23, 2005

-Hello Beefanatics! It's your favorite infidel, back for some rants. If you'd like to see what I'm doing that's keeping me from updating more often, please visit here.

How awesome is that photo of Lady Atropos? And yes, that's a Beefboy Babydoll Tee she's wearing too! Just for the record, wet T-Shirts are GOOD. I'd like to thank Lady Atropos and Flutterby Studio for sending me (and you) such great photos! If you'd like to see more from the shoot, I've made Lady Atropos this month's inductee to the Toxic Goddess Hall of Fame!

Are you telling the Beefboy that I stop talking for two weeks and suddenly Dancing with the Stars is the number one show in America?!!! What the fuck?!! Don't any of you have something to do? I'm not talking about curing cancer (although that would be nice) but, maybe turning off the tube and taking a walk would be a good idea (or hey, you could write the Beefboy an email).

Did I just go to sleep and wake up in the 1980's? Michael Jackson is all over the news, Mike Tyson is fighting and A Flock of Seagulls is performing on TV! Why do we feel the desire to relive the past? It's never as good the second time around.

Michael Jackson used to be this kind talented wonderkid and now he's this fucking alien pervert you have to shield from your kids. Mike Tyson used to be an amazing athlete with an inspirational success story. Now Tyson is a washed up thug, who is a greater threat to himself than anyone he could meet in the ring. Finally, brought to you by Rogaine and Viagra, we have Hit Me Baby, One More Time, where groups like A Flock of Seagulls, who used to be... okay, A Flock of Seagulls always sucked. In any case, we're bringing back marginal talent from the eighties to see how fat and bald they have become, and to highlight how little talent they had in the first place.

Despite the fact that I'd like to see Jessica Simpson's ass "reimagining" the Daisy Duke jean shorts, do we really need to retread The Dukes of Hazzard? Do you really want to relive Big Hair, calf warmers, Nuclear Winter and RATT?!! It's time to let go of the past and come kicking and screaming into the 21st century kids! It will be alright, the Beefboy will protect you.

-I'm sure it's no surprise to learn that 40% of French men would like to become pregnant. In a related story, some French marketing and design firm has proclaimed the death of the macho man. They say that modern men would rather wear a pink shirt and suck cock. I say that the death of the macho man is highly exaggerated! The Beefboy is the only macho man you need, ladies!

-Bewitched, Herbie: Fully-Loaded and Land of the Dead opens this weekend. Dead is getting almost no press next to the other two creampuffs, which the media is drooling on. I'd like to encourage everyone who reads this to go see Land of the Dead so that on Monday, the media has to report that Dead devoured the competition this weekend!

-Let's see if I've got my math right. Jennifer Wilbanks, the bitch bride who ran away, caused a massive manhunt (which cost an estimated $30,000) and lied to police, was convicted of the felony of making a false statement and ordered to do 120 hours of community service and pay a fine of $2550. Then she does an interview with Katie Couric and signed a book and movie deal for $500,000!!! That's a net gain of $497,450! So, what's the lesson here? If you can come up with a criminal plot where get you enough press, you can become fabulously wealthy! Are the wheels turning right now? That slag shouldn't be allowed to make a nano-cent off her escapades. Fuck her!

And fuck Katie Couric for giving this criminal nobody a FULL HOUR INTERVIEW IN PRIME TIME! Can you really justify giving Jennifer Wilbanks more than a five minute brush off interview? When is the last time you've seen a world leader get a one hour primetime interview? Can our priorities be any more fucked up? I don't think so.

-Hey, here's a cute little story that might be slightly more important. Apparently the United States have trained a number of Mexican commandos, who were supposed to help against drug cartels and human smuggling. Now, Los Zetas have switched sides and working for the same fucking cartels they were trained to fight! Furthermore, they are responsible for killing over 500 people in Mexico this year and are a particular threat to our police and soldiers in Texas, New Mexico and Arizona!

In light of the deeply moving and terribly important Jennifer Wilbanks interview, I have to ask the Beefanatics a few questions. Where is the hour long primetime interview with President George Bush, asking why he slobbers on Vicente Fox's schlong every time he comes over the border? Where is the hour long primetime interview with Vicente Fox asking why he routinely takes it in the ass from Mexican drug lords? Where is the hour long primetime interview with Donald Rumsfeld asking why he's training our enemies? Where is the hour long primetime interview with the Minutemen, who seem to be the only people who give a shit about any of this? And finally, where is the hour long primetime interview with the Katie Couric and the mainstream media, who have decided that Jennifer Wilbanks and Michael Jackson constitute deeper news relevance than Los Zetas, drug lords, and the hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens who are flooding across our borders without any resistance, while our schools, hospitals and prisons go bankrupt?

Dig it!

June 5, 2005

-I've been buried with work on several projects lately. Sorry to everyone who has checked in and hasn't seen anything new! Also, I haven't sent out the first round of stickers, but I will do that in the next few days. If you want some stickers, get in touch with the Beefboy soon (info above)!

-Once again, I'm talking about Paris Hilton, that girl has a way of getting national attention. First she shows up in a Carl's Jr. ad. It's a rare occasion that I go to a restaurant site, but it's not easy to find the ad on air after the Christian Thought Police (the Parents Television Council, among others) started bitching. The Beefboy thinks that L. Brent Bozell III, of the PTC, got a little "stiffy" when he watched the ad and immediately apologized to God and flagellated himself until his wood subsided, then went directly to the phone to call for some action. Anyone who gets in such an uproar over something so fucking mundane needs a hooker... STAT!

Wait a minute! Hardcore religious nutsacks need little boys! What was I thinking?

Next, we find out that Paris has gotten engaged to a pasty blond pansy named... Paris! I can't make this shit up! She also wants to have kids. So... say goodbye to THAT body too! They're dropping like flies, boys and girls.

-Speaking of holy-roller nutsacks, Tim Wildmon has announced that the American Family Association has decided to cancel the nine year long boycott of Disney. What? You didn't know that Disney was under a boycott? That's because it didn't fucking matter! Everyone involved in the American Family Association should stop paying dues immediately and find something to do with their lives! You're irrelevant! And ignorant! The Beefboy is glad to help you out.

-Have you heard about the seven year old Florida boy who killed his 7 month old sister? Have you heard all the panty-wearing psychoanalysts who are preaching compassion for the boy? I say mulch that little fucker! By seven, I certainly knew better than to kill someone. There's no hope for that little shit, he should be used for stem cell research.

-A teacher in Atlanta had a 10 year old boy lick and kiss her toes in class, then gave him candy! Look, the Beefboy is one kinky fucker, and to each his or her own, but where in the world is this sort of thing acceptable? That teacher should be fired, then she should find someone her own age to play with. I'd suggest going here.

-Here's something else in the "I-told-you-so" department. "Blind Justice" was cancelled this season. How did I know that before the first episode was even aired? Because I'm a fucking genius! Either that, or television executives are abject morons- take your pick.

-The national PTA suggests changing the game "Tug of War" to "Tug of Peace"! Teachers are encouraged to use purple ink instead of red ink to grade papers, because red ink has "negative connotations". You're fucking right, red has negative connotations! The connotation is that you made a fucking mistake! Fix it and get over it! The Beefboy has had enough of the this Newspeak horse shit! Do you want a nation full of Richard Simmons? Just keep doing what you're doing! Good luck finding anyone with enough stones to kill terrorists in twenty years!

The only "Tug of Peace" that the Beefboy is going to sanction, involves Angelina Jolie's hands, and my fat swollen cock!

Dig it!

May 18th, 2005

-I'm going to geek out a bit and give you a few "I told you so's" today.

-The final episode of Enterprise was terrible! Are you shitting me? I was one of the twelve people across the nation that was watching that show, and what was my reward? They needlessly killed off one of my favorite characters and squashed the relationship they had been working on for four seasons. Hey! To Paramount and the producers of Star Trek: Enterprise... FUCK YOU!!! I'll miss seeing Jolene Blalock on a weekly basis, but she's hot enough to have a life after Trek.

-Speaking of Star Trek, I think the quintessential nerd prototype, or "the Trekkie", should be applied across the board to anyone who is overly obsessed or overly identifies with something they are not. Allow the Beefboy to explain.

When Star Wars debuted in 1977, I remember thinking how nice it was that Star Wars fans enjoyed the franchise without acting like nerds... well, that's no longer the case. Now Star Wars fans are the new Trekkies. I'm not even giving them a variation on the name like "Starzies" or "Warzies". They're just fucking Trekkies!

I'm not done. I live in a state where where people who have never milked a cow, much less even seen a farm, habitually wear cowboy hats and drive pick-up trucks like they're cowboys. You know what? They're Trekkies.

I saw a guy who had a sponsor painted on the hood of his pickup, like his favorite NASCAR driver! He had the NASCAR numbers all over his truck too. TREKKIE!

-Speaking of Star Wars, the press has picked up on the storyline of Revenge of the Sith and a quote from Anakin where he says, "If you are not with us, you are my enemy," which echoes Bush's "You're either with us or you're against us" line from a recent speech. They suggest that George Lucas is getting political with the latest film and equating Darth Vader with Darth Bush. While Lucas is probably a lib, he explains that all this shit was written a long time ago in a galaxy far far away (during the Nixon administration) and that all this is just people sticking their personal politics in a space fantasy.

I say it's not only political nutsacks who have to find divisiveness in fucking EVERYTHING. There's a couple of much more simple explanations. First off that line that Bush said (you're either with us or you're against us) is a line I've heard a hundred times over the past thirty years in numerous B movies. It's indicative of the lousy speech writers Bush has and tells you how shitty Lucas is at writing dialogue with any semblance toward originality! If there's any connection between Bush and Lucas, it's the fact that they both need better handlers.

-Are we close to catching bin Laden? Al Libby's contacts are reported as "hot" (although, probably not as "hot" as Paris' contacts).

-Okay, I told you so! Immediately following the runaway bride debacle, I told Jennifer Wilbanks husband-to-be (and you) that she had no character and since then I've been totally justified in that statement. There's stories coming out now that she went to New Mexico because she wanted to fuck an old flame. She also broke off a previous engagement and has a criminal record with three instances of shoplifting... one of which she did time for. Basically, Jennifer Wilbanks is a lying slut and anyone who wants to make her some kind of hero needs to seriously examine their own problems.

-More, "I told you so's". My latest feature article tells you that our government has failed us in the investigation of the Oklahoma City bombing. Now Terry Nichols has fingered a new co-conspirator! A totally unrelated story suggests that there may have been a connection between Tim McVeigh and a white supremacist group, and that the FBI is withholding evidence! The FBI just recently recovered explosives at Nichol's former home in Kansas (ten years later)! If you're not on top of this story, you are missing one of the biggest stories in American history. The Beefboy is doing everything possible to keep you informed, because the mainstream press has seriously dropped the ball on this one. Representative Dana Rohrabacher of California is looking into opening hearings on the Oklahoma City bombing and needs your help! Please call or write your local congressional representatives and help me stir up some attention on this story!

Dig it!

May 4, 2005

The Beefboy's Food Pyramid... eat liberal amounts of this stuff daily!

-The United States government has insulted us again, by not only releasing a new food pyramid... but releasing 12! Fuck that shit! When has the government ever been right about cutting fat? The Beefboy is going to give you a plan guaranteed to help you lose weight, and I'm not charging anything for it. Are you ready? Eat less and exercise. See? Wasn't that easy? Since I figure that I have just as good a track record at weight management as the politicos, the Beefboy has created his own food pyramid (see above).

Jennifer Wilbanks... run Forrest run!!!-Now on to Georgia's runaway bride, Jennifer Wilbanks, or more specifically, to her groom-to-be, John Mason. You see, what John doesn't realize is that he's just been given the best wedding gift he could ever receive! Now he knows the character of his bride. She's fucking abysmal under pressure, she's secretive, she's a liar and she's a terrible actress. Fuck that cunt! Get away! Far away! NOW, YOU FUCKER! Be a man John, if you take her back now, then you deserve your fucked-up life with that crazy bitch. (Maybe we can get Tom Delay to get the whole fucking legislature back at midnight tonight, and pass some legislation to make marriage between these two illegal... I'm sure Bush would sign it.)

-Did I get a letter from Adrianne Curry? I've posted the letter in the Octagon section, and you can be the judge.

-Early reports say that the new Star Wars film is a bloodbath! I sure hope so.

-I've got a few comments about Kingdom of Heaven, and none of it really has anything to do with the movie. Would someone please give Ridley Scott an Academy Award so that he will stop trying so hard to make a movie that will earn him an Academy Award? I'd like to see him return to science fiction before he dies. And Orlando Bloom has got to find a film where he's not carrying a sword before he becomes the Hugh Grant of the period films. Finally, the Beefboy has been hearing a number of ads touting Larry King's opinion of Kingdom of Heaven. Now correct me if I'm wrong.. but who gives a fuck what Larry King thinks about a film! King is a passable fluff interviewer, at best! Let's keep things in perspective kids.

-Speaking of keeping things in perspective, American Idol is going to face a big controversy tonight when ABC reveals that Paula Abdul was screwing some nutsack contestant. You'd think that we found out that CNN was being run by al Qaeda. Does anyone look to American Idol as a serious musical endeavor? Does anyone over the age of 13 really sweat the results of that program? I think it's great that the ABC special tonight will have more viewers, and cause more outrage than the stories about the Minutemen and the missile that North Korea's micropenis weasel Kim Jong Il fired near Japan.

Your idol is right here America, and he's telling you to WAKE UP!!!

Dig it!

April 27, 2005

-I've got a full deck today, so hang on!

-Did you forget that it's Dulciepalooza? Shame on you! To wrap up Dulcie Younger's month, I'm introducing a new page, Dig It!, that offers reviews on CDs, DVDs, comics and books that either I've found on my own, or someone has sent in for me to review.

Naturally, Dulcie Younger and the Silencers are featured in the music section, but I also have a review of Image Comics' The Walking Dead! Please check it out and tell me what you think. I'll be adding a lot more over the next few weeks and months.

-If you're not a member of my Toxic Goddess Group, then you're missing some of the most interesting female models, dominatrix, writers and artists on the web. There's a steady stream of updates from these Goddesses and they like posting new pictures in the photo section too.

-Have you heard about the new Adidas 1? They contain a microprocessor that adjusts the cushioning of your shoes as you run. The price tag? Too fucking much ($250)! I think you need a microprocessor in your BRAIN if you buy that hunk of shit. How fast do you go through shoes? There's no way it's worth it unless you run for a living. Forget about adjusting your cushioning- if the Beefboy is going to spend $250 for a pair of sneakers, Adidas better promise that I get laid (and she better be hot)!

-How the fuck did Ryan Seacrest get a star in Hollywood? I'm not all about the End of Days or anything, but this has got to be a bad sign.

-The little 5 year old urchin in St. Petersburg, who stormed around, broke shit and was a general nuisance until cops handcuffed her, could have been taken care of with one simple act. Spank her! When she started acting up, you grab the little shit by the arm, lead her out to the hallway and blister her ass! Problem solved... almost. Because the little brat was unleashed on an undeserving faculty, when the mother of the girl arrived, she should have been spanked too! Now Al Sharpton is heading to St. Petersburg to weigh in with his opinion. Unless he backs up what I just said, Al gets a spanking too (I'm not doing it though... I know enough Dominatrix that I could get the job done).

-Has anyone considered sending Dog, the Bounty Hunter, and his husky wife, on a quest to find Osama bin Laden? Hey, now that's a reality show! I'd like to see Dog's wife get Osama in a headlock!

-We're getting closer to the sexy robots that you see in sci-fi movies. Some scientist has fashioned a sex doll that has a heartbeat, uses surgical latex for skin and can "wiggle her hips". Call the Beefboy when you create Priss from Blade Runner.

-Sad to hear about the death of the Cookie Monster. What? You didn't hear about Sesame Street's Cookie Monster dying? Okay, he's not gone, but like the Godfather says..."He's dead to me." Apparently, the Cookie Monster is going on a diet and claiming that cookies are a "sometimes food". Fuck that horseshit! I like cookies just fine, and I grew up with Sesame Street, but the two are NOT CONNECTED! Am I dreaming this sort of stuff?

-Also, Ronald McDonald is getting a make-over. He's going to have several new outfits, including, but not limited to, a tux, a basketball jersey and a beach suit. I'm sorry guys, but you can't disguise the fact that if you eat at McDonalds you're going to be a fat tub of shit (I should know). You can dress him in Speedos and have him played by Brad Pitt, but you're just putting a new mask on an old obese clown.

April 19, 2005

-It's the tenth anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing. I've got a few things to say about that in my feature section.

-I just bought some music editing software. Does anyone know where I can get a hold of some open license music, to mix and mash?

-Thanks to my buddy Shawn, Allen and Irish Mike, who were nice enough to write in to me and tell me the name of the mystery hot chick. Her name is Veronica Zemanova!

Thanks guys, here's some extra pictures for you three, and everyone else. Let's just say that these are probably the cleanest pictures of Veronica on the internet. Not too hard on the eyes, right?

April 16, 2005

To Britney's abs... it was nice knowing you.Hey baby! I'm making some chili today. Want some? Here's my recipe.

The Beefboy's Rockabilly Chili

5lbs of Ground Beef Baby!
2 medium yellow onions
4 cans of diced tomatoes and green chilies
4 small cans of tomato sauce
3 tbls of sugar
3 tbls of chili powder
2 tbls of cumin
2 tbls of crushed red pepper
2 tsp salt
1 bottle of beer (whatever you like the best)

Get a fat pot. Cut up onions into small pieces, add the beef and completely brown and drain. Take a sip of the beer, add all the other ingredients (including the beer), stir and simmer for about an hour (or as long as you can hold out).

Serve with Fritos, sour cream, shredded cheddar and a frosty brew!

-Okay, I'm calling it! Britney Spears has jumped the shark! What is Britney's one redeeming feature? Those abs- and now they're going... going... gone! With the marriage to some nobody nutsack and a little bundle of joy on the way, and a blatant rip off of Jessica Simpson's Newlyweds coming soon to UPN (not to mention her recurring slutastic redneck trailer trash antics), the Beefboy has moved her off my radar. Anyone else want to join the Beefboy?

-Congratulations to Prince Charles who managed to marry the ugliest woman in Britain. All I'm saying is, if the Beefboy had the title "Future King of England", I'd like to think I could pull a better chick than someone who looks like the fucking Jabberwocky.

-News Flash! The United States will cease to exist in 2007! How do I know that? Well, some Palestinian nutsack has interpreted passages in the Koran that he says suggests that the US will be destroyed by a tsunami. Don't buy your life raft yet. I'm more afraid of the destruction brought about by Josh Grobin getting radio play (because seriously, he sucks nuts... I'm saying that Josh Grobin, not only sucks nuts, but rolls them around in his mouth to compare and contrast their taste and consistency).

Dig it!

Hey, who is the girl above? Benny sent the Beefboy a Powerpoint presentation that starred this chick and I seriously need to know who she is... for scientific reasons, of course. (Thanks Benny!)

Email the Beefboy:

April 8, 2005

-New Nutsack of the Moment Kofi Annan!

-New Chick of the Moment Adrianne Curry!

-New video on the Beefboy's Kinky Juke... an unrated version of Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up!

-Isabeli Fontana on Model Watch.

April 7, 2005

It's Dulciepalooza!

Dulcie Younger

-Dulcie Younger has just been inducted into the Toxic Goddess Hall of Fame and there's more to come soon!

-The Octagon has been updated with a letter from my buddy Shawn.

April 4 , 2005

WWE's Christy Hemme... easily the best reason to suffer through Wreslemania 21!-Pardon the Beefboy, I'm feeling a little windy today.

-This month is Dulciepalooza! More soon...

-Thanks again, to all the Beefanatics! March had over 610,000 hits and I had so much traffic that I had to upgrade my hosting service. Holy nuts ahoy! That's good shit. Thank you all (tell your friends)!

-Michael Jackson recently compared his current struggle with the struggles of human rights icon, Nelson Mandela. The Beefboy is amazed at how "black" MJ has become recently. Suddenly, Jacko pretends he's an original member of Public Enemy. Fight the power, Michael?... Fuck you!

-Those crazy Russian scientists have confirmed something the Beefboy has known for a long time... corporal punishment is good for you! They report that regular caning can lead to weight loss, defeat alcoholism and cure depression! It can also enhance your sex hormones and enhance your immune response. So, the question I have for you is- who's going to be the first bad girl in line to take her swats? Master Beefboy is waiting...

-Who out there saw the premier wrestling event of the year, Wrestlemania? The Couch Pirates and I got together on Sunday and got ready to see the best that the WWE has to offer. Unfortunately, they didn't offer a lot. JBL got the quickest, most ridiculous chump job EVER. After holding the belt for almost a year, he just dropped it like a bowl of chili with a severed finger in it. What were they thinking? That's pathetic. Also, no tag teams, a useless match between Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio, a boring match with the Undertaker and a slew of cheesy cameos, make Wrestlemania 21, one of the worst, if not, THE WORST, of all time. Weak Vince, weak.

-I also had an opportunity to see Sin City this weekend. Before I tell you what I thought, let me make some of my typically ingenuous observations. Apparently, some news story moved on the wire about the content of Sin City, and almost every conservative talk show host, had some inane comment about a movie THEY DID NOT SEE! Once again, let the Beefboy reiterate the fucking rules! First off, if you're a conservative, you don't get to comment on art. Period. Secondly, if you haven't seen the movie, you don't get to tell the Beefboy if it's good or not. See how simple that is?

Now, with that build up, let me say that I'm a big fan of Sin City- the comic. Robert Rodriguez had the stones to take the straight graphic novels and just use them as storyboards with dialogue. If you've read Sin City, you know what the dialogue is like. It's pithy noir-speak. I would suggest that, unless your name is David Mamet, Dashiell Hammett or Elmore Leonard, you might want to stay away from this type of dialogue in a movie.

You know those 80's Chuck Norris films, where right before, or right after, he kills some nutsack, he has a cute little line that he uses as an exclamation point? Well, Sin City is like a series of those lines as dialogue. After a while (a short while), it gets very very very corny.

Visually, Sin City is impressive and Mickey Rourke's segment is nearly good enough to suggest seeing the movie, but let's be honest. Only fans of the comic will enjoy this movie, and many of them won't like it either. However, this is a movie that could easily spawn a midnight movie phenomenon, so don't count it out yet. It's so bad, that's it's good.

-Bumper Bumpkins: I recently saw a sticker in the shape of a Chevrolet logo, but inside the logo was the stars and bars of the Dixie flag!

-Hail to the Minutemen! Want to know the definition of being good American citizens? The Minutemen is a group of patriots who have grabbed the guns off their racks and headed out to the Arizona desert to help the border patrol nab assholes who are trying to sneak over our border. They helped catch 18 yesterday! The Beefboy applauds the Minutemen! I hope your gesture is heard loud and clear in Washington.

-Speaking of the border, let's talk a bit about Mexican President Vicente Fox. He recently said that trying to secure our borders is "discriminatory" and "against freedom". The Beefboy thinks that Vicente Fox has forgotten that he is the leader of a third world country, and that he is merely the top ass-kisser for his nation. Every time he visits the U.S., Fox should bring some maize as tribute and beg us not to be angry! Since Fox is so concerned about discrimination and freedom, maybe we should bill Fox for the hospitals and schools that are dying from supporting his nation's illegal invaders. Better yet, we can tell him to suck our big fat swollen cock and have INS escort him back over the border!

Dig it!

March 22, 2005

Angelina, drunk on something besides her undying love for the Beefboy.-This month's Playboy Magazine quotes Angelina Jolie as saying, "I need more sex, okay? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world." The Beefboy is ready for his taste test darlin'.

-Politics makes strange bedfellows, and the Beefboy is about to munch carpet on Democrat Dianne Feinstein for her stand on our nation's borders. Among other things, she points out that our borders are swiss cheese and that, "it seems to me that if I were a terrorist and I wanted to come in the United States, this is the way I would do it." Holy nuts ahoy! Sounds like some national politician besides Tom Tancredo is waking up in Washington! Let's give the rest of congress a reality enema and start doing something besides playing footsies with baseball players up there!

-Would someone just kill Castro? Thanks.

-Poor little Wafah. Apparently, she wants to be a pop star in New York, but she can't understand why record execs look at her like she just asked to take their children to a sleepover at Jacko's house. Now, I could be wrong Wafah, but maybe it's the fact that you're the niece of the biggest fucking nutsack on the planet, Osama bin Laden! There's not a PR firm in the world that could help you out with that pedigree sister! Everyone on the planet can't (and shouldn't) be a pop star anyway. Go to Germany- if they love Hasselhoff, they'll take anyone.

March 20, 2005

Bjork... crazy, but fuckable.-Remember Bjork? She recently weighed in on an issue that has been haunting us all. She stated that she would never wear a T-Shirt and jeans because it's, "a symbol of white American imperialism, like drinking Coca-Cola." Finally we have someone important who has the guts to break down barriers and stand up for something that no one else seems to give a fuck about. To congratulate Bjork for her cutting edge philosophy, I think someone should send her this T-Shirt.

-The Beefboy recently heard a radio ad featuring Mickey Mouse, when it occured to me... maybe Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson are actually the same creature. Here's some facts to mull over:

  1. M.J. and M.M. both have the same voice.
  2. Both are black AND white.
  3. M.M. and M.J. have an unhealthy and persistant desire to hang around children.
  4. I don't remember ever seeing the two together.
  5. They both have a fucked up fashion sense (white gloves included).
  6. I wish they'd both go away.

-To everyone who mistakenly believes that only men are shallow enough to be interested in someone based solely on looks... I give you-Scott Peterson. Within hours of his conviction, Scott Peterson was inundated with phone calls to his new prison home, from women who wanted his hand in marriage. Now, here we have a guy who has no money and no future, he's a habitual liar, and, oh yeah... he's a convicted killer, who offed his wife and unborn child while cheating on her, with another woman. This is a guy who shouldn't see pussy, smell pussy, or hear rumors of pussy, for the rest of his fucking life! Yet, some women are still willing to cast aside a litany of attributes that should guarantee gynecic chastity for eternity, to fuck this guy for one reason... he looks like Dean Cain! I think they should allow every woman who called Scott, a conjugal visit with one of the devices on Fucking Machines!

Dig it!

-I've recently updated the Octagon page.

March 10, 2005

I like the way those pixels jiggle.-Well, former Nutsack of the Moment, Dan Rather left, not with a bang, but with a whimper. What kind of nutsack's last words is, "...and to each of you... COURAGE." What a flaming crock of shit! Hey Dan, I hear they have a greeter job at Wal Mart.

-I noticed that Rod Stewart has a special on PBS tonight. Let's face the facts, if you're on PBS, you've jumped the shark.

-Oh boy, get ready for a big fight! This week, 60 Minutes ran a story about some shyster lawyer trying to sue the makers of Grand Theft Auto, because some young fuckstick shot three cops... AND he played GTA. Since Hillary Clinton wants your vote in 2008, she's jumped on the bandwagon and is decrying the effects of GTA on the youth of this country. Well, one thing that NO ONE has said yet, is the fact that GTA is for Mature Audiences ONLY! That means the little shit who shot several cops should not have been able to even play the game.

Once again... ONCE AGAIN, you can trace everything bad that kids do, right back to the parents who spawned them. Want to disagree? Bring the noise! Think that friends have more influence than parents? WRONG! I tried to hang out with the wrong crowd and my parents kept me from doing that. Got another idea? How about poverty? How about a chemical imbalance? How about satanic influence? How about aliens? All wrong. Kids who are little shits have their parents to blame. That kid should never have had GTA in his house. I don't have kids, but the first time I played it, I thought, "there's no fucking way I'd let my kid play this game!"

Don't blame a video game, because you want to sue someone and make some money, or because you want to look like more of a centrist before an election bid. Take a good hard look at the day-to-day decisions that bad parents make, and keep your fucking hands off GTA! It's for adults.

Dig it! ...and to each of you... PORN.

March 6, 2005

Do you like my booody?
Better go gargle with straight bleach after that kiss, dude.
Honestly, she's worse than an Alien Facehugger.

-First off, I'd like to thank all the Beefanatics who visited my site over the past few months! I got nearly 450,000 hits in February, and that's a short month! I also noticed that my Google Page Rank is fluctuating between a 4 and a 5, if you don't know what that means, just understand that's good! Again, thanks to everyone who has visited me, written me and has told their friends.

-Thanks, once again, to Tammy who sent the Beefboy a few pictures of Anna Nicole doing a fake strip act at the Aussie MTV Awards. Say what you will about Anna (the Beefboy sure has), she certainly has done a number on her body since her embarrassing reality show, and probably made her Trimspa Corporate Slavemasters very happy and very wealthy, with this stunt.

-Thank God that we put that hardened criminal Martha Stewart away for a while and made sure that she couldn't hurt anyone over the past five months. I don't know about you, but I certainly feel safer knowing that vicious thugs like Martha are behind bars instead of upstanding citizens like O. J. Simpson. Clearly, justice has been served.

-Why the fuck is ABC saddling us with Blind Justice? If they wanted to do a show about a blind man fighting crime, why not pay Marvel Comics to do a Daredevil series? Haven't we been here before? Yet another clone drama. Wake me after this one's cancelled.

-Tom, one of the rowdy members of the Port Pirates site, noticed that the Beefboy mentioned the new Transformers film and thought everyone would get a kick out of seeing the new ad from Citroen. I think it's pretty cool. Click "see the TV ad" in the bottom left.

March 2, 2005

Stay away from any chick with the dollar sign stenciled over her business.-Just so you know that the Beefboy is on the cutting edge of everything that's hot. Now, for the woman in your life, who needs some help with her bush artwork, there's pubic stencils! Yes, that's right! Trim that trim properly with pubic stencils. Don't say the Beefboy never did anything for you.

-Let the Beefboy inform you on two separate stories and see if you think there's a connection.

Story One: NBC Falls to Fourth Place in Sweeps Race, Behind FOX!

Story Two: NBC to Launch Fourth Law and Order Series This Friday

While ABC has moved to the top this season, due in no small part to two NON-REALITY shows, Lost and Desperate Housewives, and FOX has cultivated new viewers with House, NBC has decided to roll out the carpet for dead dog Law and Order. Who the fuck is running Hollywood these days? Hitler only had one ball, and NBC executives don't even have that! Until NBC decides to get a pair they will find themselves the odd-man-out of the broadcast television daisy chain.

-Want a good example of natural selection? Apparently, some young nutsacks think it's a good idea to jump, like Trinity, between two six-story parking garages. Of course one of those little fucks fell six stories and (fill in the rest Beefanatics!), now his family is suing the owners of the garage for not putting up a fence! Too bad that little fuck didn't die! I think they should knock a hole in the wall and let every stupid asshole, who thinks jumping between two six-story garages is a good idea, complete their destiny by becoming concrete art!

Dig it!!!

February 27, 2005

-Drudge has a story about Robin Williams getting a skit cut from the Oscars tonight. I think it's funny as hell, so I'm posting it here. Apparently, Williams is understandably amused about James Dobson's (a good nutsack of the moment nominee if I've ever heard of one) assertion that Spongebob Squarepants is gay. Here's Williams routine:

"Pinocchio's had his nose done! Sleeping Beauty is popping pills!
"The Three Little Pigs ain't kosher! Betty Boop works Beverly Hills!

Fred Flintstone is dyslexic, Jessica Rabbit is really a man, Olive Oyl is really anorexic, and Casper is in the Ku Klux Klan!"

Great shit! I think it says much more about ABC, and fear and loathing of the media, than it does about Williams or Dobson though.

-Chad sent the Beefboy another Paris hack site with some more goodies here.

-The Toxic Goddess site is up and running! Many of the women from the Toxic Goddess Hall of Fame are posted there, plus others you haven't seen. Drop by there and tell me what you think!


February 25, 2005

-Ted Koppel had a story on Oscar awards for stunt coordinators last night (and by the way, I think they should be honored). Most news shows were highly concerned with the composition of Michael Jackson's jury or rain in California. Meanwhile, everyone seems to have forgotten that we have our brothers and sisters facing daily horseshit over in the desert. The Beefboy hasn't forgotten. I appreciate their sacrifice and I won't let it rest until they can rest.

February 23, 2005

The Beefboy is not interested in hearing  Paris sing, but tying her up is another thing entirely.-I'm probably the only person on the earth that is bothered by this, but if you watch any news at all, I'm sure that somewhere in the broadcast they have the vertical moving characters from the Matrix, as a background. I started really noticing it a few weeks ago and now I've had enough! It's spreading like a virus and it's time to stop! Doesn't anyone try to come up with something original any more, or has everyone just thrown in the towel?

-Okay, I know when you hear this you're going to think the Beefboy is pulling your leg (or something else more private), but Steven Spielberg is seriously making a live action Transformers movie! I have a gaggle of friends who will flip out when they hear about this, so I thought I'd share that news with you.

-Below is a link to the set of photos of Paris Hilton's phone hack. Thanks to Tammy, who set me up with those. Also, there's another site with more stuff from that hack.

Paris Hilton Cell Phone Photos

Paris Hilton Notes and more stuff

Want to thank Tammy for sending the Beefboy those links? Drop by here and vote for her dog, Mr. Man, in the left corner. I don't want it said that I don't go the extra mile for Beefanatics.

Dig it!

February 21, 2005

Paris, dressed for a long ride on a slow bus.-Once again, Paris Hilton returns to the top of the buzz list. This time it wasn't really her fault though. A hacker broke into Paris' cell phone records and published the names and private numbers of all the celebrities she had stored on her phone. The phone also had candid photos, reportedly, of Paris herself, Nicole Ritchie, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

The Beefboy is pissed at Paris for all the phone calls he's been getting from the prank... not to mention all those saucy photos we took of each other. Tell you what Paris, come visit the Beefboy in one of those naughty school girl outfits and all is forgiven.

-New Video on the Beefboy's Kinky Juke - Garbage/Special

-New Toxic Goddess - Ann Burstyn

February 18, 2005

-Jay Leno used a portion of the Beefboy's bit on George Michael last night. He also mentioned the Mars story. Are there Tonight Show agents perusing my site?

February 17, 2005

Sheryl Crow: many cuts above the rest.- Here's a picture of Sheryl Crow from this week's Grammy Awards. Sheryl turned 43 this week. Is this really the body of a 43 year old woman? Wow. I think she's in better shape than her boyfriend, and he's won the Tour de France six times in a row!

-Did the Beefanatics catch one of the biggest stories ever? No one is making a big deal out of it, but a couple of NASA scientists suspect that there is life on Mars RIGHT NOW. No one is claiming that little green people are walking around with ray guns, but the possibility for some form of life is very high due to the methane content of the Mars atmosphere. That's very big news, at least from where I sit.

-Syria and Iran have decided that if they can fuck a certain number of goats individually, then they can fuck twice as many together! Those two countries are forming their own axis of evil as we speak. The Beefboy warned you about Syria around a year ago, and here we are, talking more and more about Syria. Many suspect that Syria was the benefactor of Saddam's disappearing weapons. Others suspect that Syria was responsible for the killing of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hairi. No matter how you slice it, both Syria and Iran have the international spyglass pointed directly at their hearts. You can expect that light to heat up both nations over the next few months.

-George Michael has decided to say goodbye to the world. He said that the world of pop is "just dead as far as I am concerned," and that "Nobody want to hear about politics, or any kind of strong ideas in pop any more."

Well, the Beefboy has a farewell message for George Michael. First off, you've been dead to the world long before you were discovered sucking cock in a seedy toilet. Secondly, when has pop ever been a soapbox for politics? Maybe rock, rap or country, has a few things to say about politics, but where do you get off whining about strong opinions when you were paid to entertain young girls with drivel like "Wake me up, before you go-go"! You've always been irrelevant George. Thanks for finally admitting it.

Dig it!

February 14, 2005

They used the Beefboy's back for this photo.-Happy Valentine's Day ladies! You know the Beefboy is sending out all his love to you.

-Has anyone seen the film Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior? I'm dying to see this film. Roger Ebert gave it thumbs-up on the martial arts alone. If you look at the trailer for this film, the work by newcomer Tony Jaa is absolutely breathtaking. He's not using any of that pansy wire shit either!

You can view the trailer for Ong-Bak here.

-The Beefboy is about to open up a new section of my site to promote independent bands, writers and comic creators. If you're interested in free promotion then send a sample of your work and any information you'd like me to post (like websites, where to buy your stuff and upcoming events) to the address below. If I like your work, I'll tell all the Beefanatics about it and keep a permanent page up on this site, so it will continue to give you promotion. Address all submissions to:

The Beefboy
P.O. Box 6027
Moore, OK 73153

February 9, 2005

-A Beefanatic named Mike sent me a link to a story that I hadn't heard of previously. Last month, a radio team in New York did a parody called "The Tsunami Song" which had lyrics like, " And all at once, you can hear the screaming chinks. / And no one was saved from the wave. / You can hear God laughing 'Swim you bitches, swim."

The Beefboy is the biggest proponent of free speech there is, and that includes speech that is patently offensive to everyone on the planet. The point I have to make is there is a large difference between being talented and offensive (see South Park) and being a talentless hack and offensive (see the Tsunami Song). The greatest offense here is the fact that it's just not funny.

I'm also curious as to why I've never heard of this story until Mike sent it to me. Where is the big speech outside the radio station by Jesse Jackson? Where is the national media? Surely, this has nothing to do with the fact that the targets are Asian...

Or does it?

February 8, 2005

Hit me with your best shot.-Okay, I should probably let this go, but I did a little research on who did the costume design for Aeon Flux (it sure as shit wasn't Peter Chung). The woman who designed the costume was Beatrix Aruna Pasztor, well known for such stellar fetish-inspired costume extravaganzas as Alfie, Psycho (the shitty recent version) and Good Will Hunting. The Production Design for Aeon Flux is done by, master of science fiction ambiance Andrew McAlpine, who worked his magic on The Recruit, Flubber and The Piano! What THE FUCK?!!! Who greenlighted this production crew?

It has also occured to me that this outfit might be at the insistance of Theron herself -something along the lines of, "I'll do the film, but there's no way I'm going to appear in that!" What a clusterfuck of the highest order! Paramount, contact the Beefboy immediately. Apparently, some people need to be fired and you desperately need the Beefboy's help.

February 7, 2005

Charlize Theron, wondering why she's so covered up.-The last half of the Superbowl was interesting, but what's up with Paul McCartney as the halftime show? This is the premier entertainment event in the world, not your local state fair. Before the Beefboy goes any further, let me make it clear that the Beatles... hell, even Wings, are great groups with some of the best music ever. Fine. But in the zeal to scrub the Superbowl clean from any remnants of last year's Jackson/Timberlake (and I remind you that Justin was too much of an uberweasel to take his share of the blame) debacle, we got music that was relevant FOUR DECADES AGO! McCartney is old enough to be our father- some of us, our grandfather. If the Superbowl executives wanted family fare, they should have hired The Wiggles to do the show, at least they are fucking relevant NOW!

-Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx are going to be Crockett and Tubbs in Michael Mann's box office remake of Miami Vice. The Beefboy was a big fan of Miami Vice, and still remains a fan of Michael Mann, so I'm excited about this one.

-Looks like Batman Returns this summer and Superman Returns next summer, with Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor! That's fucking brilliant. It's directed by Bryan Singer, who gave us both X-Men films and one of the best movies of all time... the Usual Suspects.

-The Beefboy has been going nuts over Charlize Theron, as Aeon Flux, but have you seen her costume for the film (above)? Uhmmm... who dressed her, the Queer Eye for the Queer Guy gang? How did we get an outfit that looks like a winter track suit? Have you seen Aeon Flux's outfit in the animated series? I didn't expect that, but I certainly expected something... sexier. We got let down on this one BIG TIME Beefanatics! In fact, this costume alone makes me think that we're going to get a sanitized version of the animated series, which will just make it this year's Catwoman! Who does the soundtrack for the film... The Wiggles?

February 5, 2005

Author Kerry McCloskey- The Beefboy was recently turned on to a book that all the Beefanatics need to know about. It's called The Ultimate Sex Diet and the concept behind the book is that you can use sex to get in great shape. Now that's an exercise plan that the Beefboy can get behind (or on top of, or beneath...)! I read the book and this plan is backed-up with real research and frankly makes more sense than any of the fad diets out there. It's also contains advice on pleasing the ladies, positions and keeping desire high.

The picture to the left is author Kerry McCloskey, who lost 23 pounds and tightened up those gams on this diet, so something's working right there!

Obviously, this book is geared toward couples, (good luck doing this on your own!) but if you have a partner, then this might be the gift that keeps on giving this Valentine's Day. If you're interesting in getting a signed copy go to Kerry's site:

Hey, the Beefboy is looking for a new exercise parter...

-Did you guys hear about the picture of a GI Joe doll that was circulated as a "captive" of insurgents in Iraq? Several things come to mind about this story. Either we're looking at a ploy from the most ignorant people on the planet (a distinct possibility) or this was the CIA's attempt to discredit the insurgent websites that publish this dreck (also, fine with me).

Terrorists are growing restless as their only real weapon (fear) is slipping through their fingers. Osama released a cute little video before the United States elections, but he hasn't done shit since September 11th, four years ago. The insurgents are showing desperation by releasing fake footage of shooting down a helicopter and, assuming it came from hillbilly insurgents, the GI Joe boondoggle. Are we supposed to be afraid of people who get their "weapons" from Toys R Us and Radio Shack?

In either case, based on our media's reaction, it seems like there's a genuine desire to report negative news with a fervor that borders on insanity. CNN and the Associated Press jumped fast and hard on the opportunity to report about poor GI Joe "Cody" who had fallen captive to insurgents. At what point are we going to examine the methods, practices and consequences of a media hungry for bad news?

January 28, 2005

Beats the fuck out of Tinkerbell!- This is a picture of the 2004 Ms. Digital World Runner-Up, Dawn, who is the Beefboy's favorite entry. Just like in Weird Science, geeks everywhere can now compete on who's pixel chick is hottest. Still plenty of time to enter this year's competition. Hey, it's more exciting than the Ms. America Pageant.

-Want to know what passes for governing in Oklahoma? State Senator Frank Shurden has a proposal to make the "sport" of cockfighting humane. Oklahoma Senator Nutsack thinks we should put boxing gloves on chickens. Yes, you read that correctly, instead of dealing with the terrible condition of roads in Oklahoma, or the brain drain of Oklahoma's youth leaving the state, or the usurious amount of personal taxes the state steals, Senator Shurden has solved the cockfighting problem! I'm sorry Senator, but I wasn't aware there was a problem. Fuck you and fuck anyone who wants to have chickens fight. IT'S FUCKING STUPID!!!

-What is up with Bush paying journalists to talk about his agenda on the sly? We've already found two journalists (Maggie Gallagher paid $21,500 and Armstrong Williams paid $240,000) who were taking government money to bang Bush's drum, but didn't bother to tell their readers. How many more are out there? This one seriously needs some investigation Beefanatics. Paying journalists to spout government bullshit is only a shade different from Russian President Putin controlling the media outright. There needs to be healthy distance between government and the media. If these boneheads start playing grab-ass behind the scenes, we're all fucked.

January 25, 2005

Mmmm.... Saucy!- Holy nuts ahoy! How hot did Charlize Theron look at the Golden Globes? She still has her Aeon Flux hair and she's lost any resemblance to her character in Monster. Wow, she's hard to look at too long... it's like staring into the sun.

-The Beefboy is giggling his guts out today because of the Academy Award Nominations. Basically, the Academy gave the big fuck-you-finger to all the nutsack pundits who wanted to see Fahrenheit 9/11 versus the Passion of the Christ, so they could bitch about the election some more. Well fuck all of you! It's time to get a new routine.

-There's plenty being said about Johnny Carson, but I'm going to make a point that I haven't heard yet. That guy gets a special recognition from the Beefboy because, unlike every other entertainer, politician and athlete, he knew when to hang it up and he didn't embarrass himself with one more attempt to get some applause. Johnny went out on top, he turned it over to the younger generation, and he walked away in style.

-I can't believe I almost let this slip past my radar! Not since Hitler and Hirohito, have a more evil union been forged in the bowels of Hell! The Beefboy is talking about monumentally overrated vagina artist Anne Geddes teaming up with underfed Canadian harpy Celine Dion, for a fucking calendar! Fuck world hunger, we should all pool our resources to have every copy of that ass-wiping material packed into a rocket and fired into the sun!

Dig it!

January 20, 2005

Ahhh... the Beefboy's favorite thing to eat... I'm not much for sushi though.-Okay, I've been inundated with hits because I picked Adrianne Curry as the girl on Model Watch. Unfortunately, despite the fact that she's smokin' hot, she hasn't exactly burned up the runways. As a testament to her desire to cash in on some celebrity, Adrianne has made her way to the cast of VH1's Surreal Life television show. The reason I've been getting hits is because Adrianne Curry served as a nude sushi bar. Apparently they broadcast her naughty bits and I've got the picture to the left. Hey, who's taking care of you guys?

Chyna from the WWE is also on the Surreal Life and she's been showing her naught bits too. Along with the dude who was known as X-Pac, she's in an adult video called... are you ready for this... 1 Night in China.

-I'm listening to Bush give his inaugural address right now. Unfortunately, to get to this speech, I had to sit through entirely too many shitty singers and way too much pomp. I think the inauguration is a mostly non-event in general, but particularly so when we're in war AND the guy who is sworn in already has the job. I hear that this shindig is going to cost $40 million. What could we do with $40 million?!! Why don't we give the guy a new watch, a slap on the back and tell him to get to work?

-Benny in Kuwait sent me this link and I think it's something that everyone should read and reflect on. It's written by one of our soldiers in Iraq and I think it brings up some great points. I think the work speaks for itself, that guy is certainly more knowledgeable about what is going on over there that I am, but what he says backs up a lot of what I think.

Please read the article here.

January 6, 2005

Jennifer Garner prepares herself for an evening with the Beefboy.- If you can find a word to rhyme with "Ab", then you too can create a totally useless hunk of shit to sell to people who have more flab than sense! You could be the first huxter on your block to create the "Ab-Crab" or the "Ab-Slab" or the "Ab-Fab" and sell it for $69.95-no wait!- $49.95 - tell you what, if you act now you can sell your fucking soul to Satan just to make a buck on poor stupid fat slobs and go directly to Hell afterward! Neat.

-I just got through watching the 2 hour season premier of Alias. Let's just say that if you put Jennifer Garner in a slinky white teddy and have her roll around on a bed, then juxtapoz that with her in a mid-drift baring schoolgirl outfit and have her running down the street, all in about 5 minutes time total, then you've pretty much got the Beefboy for the rest of the evening. I probably would have watched an Alias marathon if they had the inclination to give me about 24 hours of that! Those evil geniuses at ABC have managed to put together both Lost and Alias on one night and probably lock me into actually looking forward to watching TV for the first time in a couple of years.

January 5, 2005

Will Eisner-A fond farewell to Will Eisner who passed away today at the age of 87. Will was an incredible influence on several generations of comic artists with his own work and particularly with his bible on comic storytelling, Comics and Sequential Art .

The Beefboy got to meet and talk shop with Will several years ago at the San Diego Comic Con. He was an amazingly talented artist and a gracious celebrity. He will be missed.


January 4, 2005

Petra Nemcova-Happy New Year! I hope all the Beefanatics out there got all the little prezzies they desired. We're through with the holiday season, so it's time for the Beefboy to get back to work.

-I don't think we'll ever witness destruction on the scale we've seen from the December 26 tsunami. The magnitude of this tragedy is hard for me to fully grasp. 150,000 people?!! 12 nations directly affected? This is nuts.

I'm glad to see a bi-partisan effort, including former presidents Clinton and H.W. Bush, and wish both sides of the aisle would work together on more things closer to home.

Sports Illustrated supermodel and lucky honoree of the Beefboy's Model Watch, Petra Nemcova, was injured in the Asian tsunami and lost her photographer boyfriend to the waves. She has invited US Weekly into her hospital room to take some exclusive photos which will raise money for victims who are far less fortunate. If you'd like to wish her well, you can email her here.

I collect masks from Indonesia, so I have enjoyed the work of the people in this region and have a daily reminder of how people from half way around the world can make a difference. I'm considering some private and some public things to help out but until then, if you're interested in donating some time or money, here's a couple of links to organizations that have a solid history for helping out and not misusing funds.

The Red Cross

USA Freedom Corps

-It's time to get on an uplifting subject, so let's get off this planet for a moment and talk about space exploration! Nova looks at the two Martian landers that have managed to far outlast the 90 day death sentence they were originally given. Those two rovers, Spirit and Opportunity, are still kicking and a much needed feather in the cap for disaster-weary NASA scientists. Hey, we beat these guys up when they fail-let's take a moment to praise them for success as well.

By the way, here's a cool thing the Beefboy found while doing research. It's an interactive real-picture model of Mars that you can click and drag to look at the whole planet. You have to have Quicktime to view it, but it's sure worth the download if you're into this sort of thing like the Beefboy.

Within the next ten days another big space event will take place. The Huygens probe (hynhh, hynhh, the Beefboy said "probe") will dive into the atmosphere of Saturn's moon, Titan on January 14th. Besides a bunch of tech data that only someone at NASA could appreciate, we could get some amazing pictures back from Huygens 2 1/2 hour drop to the surface of that moon.

-Belated public thanks to Benny for the gifts! Thanks for thinking of the Beefboy and stay safe over there buddy.

-Tony Danza, and his show, sucks balls.

-Finally, what the fuck is going on over at FOX? After managing to copy every other network's forthcoming reality shows (yes, FOX got their nanny, boxer and wife-swapping shows out first, but they copied the idea from other networks), last night they aired the first episode of Who's Your Daddy? Of course this show is offensive (they have a child try to pick out her dad to win $100,000), but I may have a different take on why it's offensive. It's fucking stupid! Hello? Is anyone out there? What the fuck are you watching this horse shit for? You could bang your head against a wall for a full hour and achieve less brain damage than watching that show will bring. For fuck's sake, get off your couch and do something... ANYTHING, other than watching something so amazingly pointless!

Dig it!




The Beefboy loves watching DVDs, but he sees too many to review all of them... unless I only takes ten seconds!

If you want to see longer reviews visit my DVD Reviews page.

Dawn of the Dead (Ultimate Edition) - 1978

If you really need your zombie fix, see this version of the original 1978 movie! Four disks, three different versions of the movie, documentaries and commentary from everyone you'd want to hear from! This movie is creepy, has great characters and some interesting social commentary.

8 out of 10

Dawn of the Dead (Widescreen Unrated Directors's Cut) - 2004

More of a thriller than a horror film, this version of the 2004 movie has faster zombies and faster action, but lacks some of the impact of the original. Grab some popcorn and enjoy!

7 out of 10

Resident Evil - Apocalypse - 2004

Too much boring action, not enough of Milla, not enough zombies, and there's just no suspense here. However, it's a little more true to the video game it's based on, and it's better than the first movie in this series.

5 out of 10

Shaun of the Dead - 2004

Lots of good laughs and a healthy appreciation for the zombie flicks that proceeded it. Watch it with friends!

7 out of 10

Enter Zombie King - 2004

Let's see... Canadian Luchadors, 50's surf music, zombies and a handful of very very hot chicks. It's not Gone with the Wind, but then again, who wants to watch that shit? If the Beefboy made a movie, it would look just like this!

6 out of 10